you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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