I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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