The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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