Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize