I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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