So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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