I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
