So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
this beer tastes like vomit already
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
