so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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