his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
