last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
