Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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