i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize