Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
