I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize