Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
