in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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