I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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