I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
jump out the window naked night went bad
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
