I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
