I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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