im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
