Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
