do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am available for nakedness
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
