Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize