Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
