im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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