I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
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My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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