I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
