then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
