Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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