you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
