how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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