I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
