He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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