It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
