Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
