I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.