he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs