This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?