I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.