ADVERTISEMENT

• (513): View more from Ohio

  I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

  Fav 15 5722 1146

  share tweet
  

• (254): View more from Texas

  just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.

  Fav 37 5632 1348

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.

  Fav 16 7399 1029

  share tweet
  

• (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

  Fav 8 6387 1405

  share tweet
  
• 

  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.

  Fav 6 3584 1223

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.

  Fav 9 4435 1367

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+27): View more from South Africa

  He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.

  Fav 4 1963 1118

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.

  Fav 10 1991 1223

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.

  Fav 10 2401 905

  share tweet
  
• 

  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.

  Fav 1 1258 591

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew

  Fav 4 1318 594

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies

  Fav 2 851 498

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole

  Fav 2 573 751

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved

  Fav 4 61 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (440): View more from Ohio

  This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?

  Fav 1 27 32

  share tweet
  

Randomize