Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
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I hope my margaritas pass through security.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?