he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
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so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My penis needs a shock collar
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.