grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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