Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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