There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
