K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
