sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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