The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Drake has all the answers
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
