Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
