Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
