So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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