shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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