That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am naked and annoyed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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