some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
