yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
