Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
