Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
