My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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