i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
