i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
