no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
