the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
