My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have aggressive nipples.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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