I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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