he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
