He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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