I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
