i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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