Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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