My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
