My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
