WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
