a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
