some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
