you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
