Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
