flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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