Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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