I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
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sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We're too hungover to prance.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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