This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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